Posted by Dan Draney on March 24, 2010
It’s good to see the professional comedians finally stepping up to address the long-standing, nationwide shortage of Obama-related humor materials. We need something to cheer us up, as the President and his friends in Congress continue with his plans to demolish the productive parts of the economy. [Hat tip for these to UnklB]:
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. -Leno
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. -O’Brien
Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser. -Leno
Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. -Letterman
Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America! -Fallon
Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers. -Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. -Letterman
If you find yourself still wanting more Obama-related humor, go here and/or set the DLMSY Wayback Machine for Obama Jokes to see past releases from our Strategic Joke Reserve.
[For the record: I think the birth certificate “issue” is a non-issue, but I smiled at the joke anyway.]
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Posted by Dan Draney on February 7, 2009
A petulant President Barack Obama chided Republicans for disagreeing with him on the Porkulous Bill, as he spoke to a Dem Party gathering. As Politico reports, he welcomes the debate with those nasty partisans, who have nothing useful to say:
At Dem retreat, a partisan love fest – Yahoo! News: In what was the most pointedly partisan speech of his young presidency, Obama rejected Republican arguments that massive spending in the $819 billion stimulus bill that passed the House should be replaced by a new round of massive tax cuts.
“I welcome this debate, but we are not going to get relief by turning back to the same policies that for the last eight years doubled the national debt and threw our economy into a tailspin,” said President Obama
No more Failed Policies Of The Past that doubled the national debt in 8 years. Obama can do much better than that. He can double it in just 2 years. Yes, He Can.
UPDATE: At the same meeting, Pelosi denounces bipartisanship. Yep, she’s a “rock” all right, or at least she has the same IQ as one.
When Obama finally spoke, he called Pelosi “a rock” and “the great speaker of the House.” And he said that House Appropriations Committee Chairman David Obey and other House chairmen had acted with “discipline” in passing their version of the stimulus bill.
How can parody compete with the reality of today’s Democrat Party?
Posted in Obama jokes, Porkulus | 1 Comment »
Posted by Dan Draney on November 7, 2008
On a normal day DLMSY gets 50-75 visitors, but since TheOne’s Ascension things have really been hopping. On Election Day, it spiked to 165. Yesterday, day 1 of the Age of Obama, there were 442, and today with 2 hrs to go we’re already over 300. What’s happening here?
The vast majority of the visitors are arriving from search sites and landing at our Obama Jokes page. Obviously, the nation’s comedians are in a panic, fearing for their jobs. They have just realized that in a few short weeks George W. Bush and Dick Cheney jokes will be as worthless as our retirement accounts. Sure Joe Biden provides many, rich opportunities, but we’ve already seen how quickly that source can dry up when Team Obama puts Joe under wraps.
With the shortage of Obama jokes and the soaring demand, sellers of these jokes are raising prices, leading to an investigation by the Illinois Attorney General.
There is another, more sinister possible explanation for the sudden surge in search activity. Most keywords for DLMSY hits were variations on the theme of “racist Obama jokes.” Perhaps an army of Obama supporters is compiling a master list of enemies…
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Posted by Dan Draney on October 24, 2008
We hear lots of stories about Obamacons, conservatives who are supporting TheOne in his quest to ascend to his rightful place in the American firmament. Now another prominent conservative voice has joined the choir:
Larijani: Iran prefers Obama – Israel News, Ynetnews: “Iranian parliament Speaker Ali Larijani said Wednesday that Iran would prefer Democrat Barack Obama in the White House next year. Larijani also dismissed any idea that the US would attack Iran.
‘We are leaning more in favor of Barack Obama because he is more flexible and rational, even though we know American policy will not change that much,’ Larijani said at a press conference during a visit to Bahrain.
How to deal with Iran and the crisis over its nuclear drive has been one of the foreign policy issues in the Nov. 4 race for the White House between Obama and Republican John McCain.
Larijani, a leading figure in the conservative camp in Iran, also said the United States was too busy dealing with the global financial crisis to consider waging an attack on Iran.” [emphasis added]
Who knew Iran had conservatives, too? We feel better just knowing there are prominent figures in the Iranian government who support small government, the market economy, low taxes and individual liberty. If even Iranian conservatives can come out in support of Barack Obama, we can all rest easier at the prospect of an Obama Dynasty.
Larijani also revealed that he has personally donated the maximum amount to Obama’s campaign
, 37 times so far.
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Posted by Dan Draney on October 21, 2008
It’s official. In less than a week the Dinosaur Media have already spent more time and effort investigating Joe Wurzelbacher, a regular guy who had the temerity to ask Obama a question, than they have spent in the past year investigating the candidate. It wasn’t even a “gotcha” question, but Obama, unable to see his teleprompter from Joe’s front lawn, accidentally blurted out something that betrayed his actual, i.e. socialist, views.
“It’s not that I want to punish your success. I want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they’ve got a chance for success, too. My attitude is that if the economy’s good for folks from the bottom up, it’s gonna be good for everybody. I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”
Before you could say, “Politics of Personal Destruction” the race was on to find some dirt, any dirt, on the man who asked the question that Obama whiffed on. John at Power Line writes of the crusade to discredit Joe in Bring me the head of Joe the Plumber:
“As Barack Obama made the rounds in his neighborhood, Joe the Plumber elicited Obama’s frankly redistributionist statement that he seeks to ‘spread the wealth around’ in his tax plan. Clearly this cannot stand.
The question itself revealed a kind of offense against royalty that in French goes under the rubric of lèse majesté. Moreover, Obama’s comment betrays a frame of mind that is unpopular among independent middle-class voters whose vote may still be up for grabs. Joe the Plumber embarrassed The Man Who Would Be King.”
We haven’t seen anything like this since Sarah Palin was tapped by McCain as his running mate. Sayeth The One: “Let he who is without sin ask the first question. The rest of you, shut the f*** up.”
Surprise! Joe did have some things in his past he’d prefer not to have everyone know about. Who doesn’t have something, be it a crazy uncle, some other nuts, a few old terrorist pals. or our own role in creating the financial crisis? Some members of the media section of the Obama campaign suggested McCain should have “vetted” Joe before talking about The Incident. However, Joe, along with the rest of us, was “vetted” back during the founding of this great country. We have the right, at least for now, to ask questions of our leaders, even questions that embarrass them.
The real issue isn’t Joe or what he said, but who Obama is, what he says and what that means. The fact is that Obama’s tax plan would raise tax rates dramatically on people founding and running successful small businesses. Joe doesn’t own one yet, but, God bless him, he wants to and he’s working hard to make it happen. That’s what creates the wealth that Obama wants to redistribute to people who are, for the most part, not working as hard as Joe. And Obama calls his stealth socialism “good for everybody.”
Talk about a close call. Obama caught himself just in time. His initial thought was to say, “From each according to his abilities. To each according to his needs.”
Obama said to Joe that he doesn’t want to punish his success, and that’s true. If he wanted to punish him, he’d give Joe a baby.
See also Mark Steyn’s “Joe the Plumber vs. Joe the Hair-Plugger.”
Posted in capitalism, Joe the Plumber, MSM bias, Obama jokes, tax rates | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Dan Draney on October 9, 2008
The clock on the clubhouse wall says it’s time for another controlled release from the Strategic Joke Reserve to ease the critical shortage of jokes about Senator Barack Obama.
Q: What do Osama bin Laden and Barack Obama have in common?
A: They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Tired of arguing with your insurance company about health care benefits? Just think how much better it will be under Obama’s Plan. Instead you’ll be able to argue with a federal government bureaucrat about your healthcare benefits.
Worried about privacy under the PATRIOT Act and warrantless wiretaps of terrorist phone calls that pass through the US? Here’s an idea: Let’s give the federal government complete access to and control of all our medical records.
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Posted by Dan Draney on August 17, 2008
There is certainly a dearth of jokes about Obama, although given the things he’s said and done there is obviously plenty of material out there. Partly this is because he and his acolytes are so humorless. They’re liable to take offense at any joke about Obama they deem to be in bad taste (i.e. any joke). It’s almost less risky to make jokes about Mohammed and rely on that famous Muslim sense of humor.
If John McCain or GWB or, Heaven forbid, Dan Quayle had dropped some of the pearls that have fallen from Obama’s lips, those words would be staples of late night comedy. So far those comedy jabs that are thrown in Obama’s general direction are mainly aimed at the fawning media cloud that surrounds him. Well, at least it’s a start.
In view of this critical shortage, we have decided to release some of the Strategic Joke Reserve to alleviate the crisis. As a longer term solution, we favor increasing the domestic production of Obama jokes rather than depending on uncertain foreign supplies from Europe and the Middle East.
Obama’s campaign has set new world speed records in its sprint from the far left to the center. He isn’t flip flopping or abandoning his principles, though. He just takes a wide stance. When he got to the center, he found himself. Turns out he was the one he was waiting for there.
Unnerved by a tough question from a 7-year old about whether or not war is ever justified, Obama struggled to come up with an answer. Finally, he allowed that he would probably have supported World War II, reluctantly. “After the Germans dropped The Bomb on Pearl Harbor, President Truman really didn’t have much choice but to declare war,” said the Senator.
As part of the “Spare Change America Can Believe In” program, the Obama campaign today announced a plan to increase the number of states to 62. According to the press release, the plan would add five additional states, “We’re going to bring in all three Canadian provinces, plus Alaska and Idahoe.”
One reason you hear so few jokes about Obama is the threat of a special, Windbag Profits Tax on profiteers who take advantage of the shortage.
Obama’s campaign is really frustrated at the persistent myths and falsehoods that continue to circulate about the candidate. For inexplicable reasons, many people continue to believe that: his middle name is Hussein: as a political gesture he refused to wear a flag pin on his lapel; he and his family went to a church with a nutty, racist pastor for 20 yrs; he thinks Middle Americans cling to their guns, religion and xenophobia; and he hangs around with unrepentant terrorists and crooked real estate developers. Please do your best to set the record straight on these points.
We wrote these jokes, so if you quote them, don’t forget to link here. If a simple Nebraska blogger can write Obama jokes in just a few minutes, just think of what dedicated, comedy professionals working full time can accomplish. Now that’s change we can believe in.
It’s funny, but it’s no joke: It seems any criticism of The One is irrefutable evidence that the critic is a racist. Just in case you’re wondering where you stand personally, a recent post in The Corner at National Review Online listed 25 signs you might be a racist. Here are the top 10:
1.If you think Obama’s the most liberal member of the senate you…may be a racist.
2.If you object to Obama raising your payroll, capital gains and estate taxes you…may be a racist.
3.If you’d prefer a president have at least some foreign policy experience you…may be a racist.
4. If you’re in favor of drilling for oil and building nuclear power plants you…may be a racist.
5. If you think “Vero Possemus” is Latin for “Massive Ego” you… may be a racist.
6. If you wonder why Obama was hanging around William Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn you…may be a racist.
7. If your pastor is nothing like Rev. Wright or Father Pfleger you… may be a racist.
8.If you don’t want the majority of justices on the Supreme Court to be like Stephen Breyer you…may be a racist.
9. If you’re not impressed with Obama’s 100% NARAL rating you…may be a racist.
10. If you’re not sure whether Obama opposed or supported FISA reauthorization you…may be a racist.
To which we’ll add: If you make any jokes about any aspect of Obama’s policies, speeches, cronies, or general amorphousness, you may be a racist.
UPDATE: Added links to the original incidents inspring the jokes, since not everyone knows them yet.
Post Election Update: There are additional Obama jokes on this blog and elsewhere.
Posted in jokes, Obama, Obama jokes | 1 Comment »