Future News: Election 2010 Report
Posted by Dan Draney on February 23, 2010
The morning after voters issued a historic rebuke to the Democrats, party officials struggled to comprehend the magnitude of the loss. Two years ago the Democrats appeared to have established a permanent grip on the Washington levers of power. Yesterday, every Democrat in the House lost, and the only Senate Democrats to escape the electoral tsunami were those who were not up for reelection. A party operative, speaking on condition of anonymity in order to trash his colleagues, conceded that the party’s legislative strategy might have been an error. “By ramming a series of huge, costly, unpopular measures through the Congress on party-line votes, we lost many moderate voters. When your agenda is opposed by over 80% of sentient voters, using parliamentary shenanigans to pass it makes you appear a little arrogant.”
A chastened President Obama accepted his share of the blame while reading from his teleprompter to a group of reporters gathered in the Presidential Bunker. “We failed to communicate clearly enough to the voters how much they are going to like these programs once it’s too late to repeal them. We need to do a better job of that. I need new speech writers.” In October, President Obama held more press conferences and gave more speeches than Presidents Bush and Clinton combined in their entire terms. However, the President feels he could have done more, “I need to get out and speak directly with the press, academics, union officials, and, you know, the little people clinging to their guns and butter.” The ratings of his fourteen televised speeches during the last week of the campaign were so low that only MSNBC would only run them and only in the middle of the night.
Exit polls in several states showed Democratic candidates failing to gain even a majority of registered Democrats. It was no surprise to see Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid lose his bid for re-election, but few predicted he would come in third behind the Raving Loony Party, whose candidate was put up as a joke by some college students.
In the House, Speaker Nancy Pelosi lost her seat to Republican newcomer Pat Lapin, the first openly transgendered congressperson. The Speaker was clearly a lost cause after she broke down during a televised debate with Lapin and began screaming incoherently about “f-ing Teabaggers.” Lapin seized the moment with the quip, “Ich bin ein Teabagger.” The audience roared its approval, and the electoral rout was assured.
Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi remain committed to completing the passage of the Obama agenda this year during the lame duck session of Congress. “We have a once in a lifetime opportunity to get these programs enacted while the Democratic majority is intact,” said Reid today. These plans may be hampered by the fact that most of the defeated Congressmen appear to have gone into hiding.
This entry was posted on February 23, 2010 at 9:41 pm and is filed under fake news, jokes, Obama jokes, socialism, tea party. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.