Massacre Foiled by Gun Free Zone

Dozens of lives were saved today when a crazed gunman was turned away from an area shopping mall after seeing a “Gun Free Zone” sign at the door. Several witnesses reported seeing the man approach the mall carrying two assault rifles, bandoleers of ammunition, and a backpack. “He looked very angry, and I was sure they were in for trouble inside the store,” said Tara Hertz, who saw the incident from her car. “But when he reached the door and saw that sign, he just threw his hat at the ground, then turned around and went back to his car.”

County Attorney, Guy de Michelin, agreed, “That sign saved lives today. If the mall hadn’t had the foresight to prohibit guns on the site, there would have been a bloodbath.”

The would-be gunman sped off in a late model Prius. Police are looking for a man of average height and build, wearing camouflage clothing.