Posted by Dan Draney on October 20, 2005
It has come to our attention that the world is facing an acute shortage of phlogiston. This critical material, involved in all cumbustion reactions, was once abundant throughout the world. Now scientists believe that worldwide phlogiston reserves are near zero. Efforts to find new phlogiston sources have so far been fruitless.
Once again the rampant consumerism of capitalism has deprived future generations of the rights to their proper shares of a global resource. We call upon the government to implement mandatory conservation guidelines. To protect the poor from phlogiston price gouging we need price controls and a new tax on the windfall profits of the phlogiston industry.